Disguised Lessons

the choices we make cannot be erased, yet I’m always wishing I could replace my mistakes
where would I be, if I never popped bottles, if I never downed them pills just for thrills
if I never fought my fate and went the long route home?
spent so many countless nights waiting by the phone for a call that coulda ended it all
wasted so much time and money on things that never mattered at all
a beautiful girl should never hate the world, but I do for all it’s worth
because all these people use warm smiles to get under my skin and make me hurt
I let them in, they gain my trust, they leave me and there’s nothing left
until I start all over again alone with the promises they never kept
second chances didn’t really get us anywhere, although my share was earned
‘cause by the tenth chance it’s safe to say I still never learned
the value of true love was so close yet so distant from me,
instead I learned the rules of pretending to be someone other than me.
I’m filled with good intentions, yet lying is still the greatest invention
because it allowed me to be secretive about my true professions
I never dreamed of being this way growing up, but what the fuck
I saw it everyday from my brother and the shit was around me, so smoke it up
the devil put an addiction in my bloodstream and the pain made me want to scream
destroy every good dream, destroy everything in my sight
until the lightness fades to night and my soul feels comfortable, alright
I feel bad for the few good people who still try and get close to me
our relationships never turn out the way their supposed to be
I can’t function normally, I can’t live a normal life
I can’t even comprehend what’s wrong and right, the end is in sight, I’m fighting
I don’t want to drag the innocent into this tornado, I don’t want to see faces from my past
every person I see that hurt me I just wanna smash ‘em
fake friends never cared, or bothered to be there, it was only me and my thoughts
alone in this cage, alone in my rage, just me and my rocks
I want so much more than what I’m giving myself,
I want to be honestly alive, and wise, I want to teach people life’s lessons in disguise
a couple thousand miles never seemed like much, until all good things were out of my touch
I gave up so much so fast, and just prayed my fun would last
one hand on the clutch, foot full of led on the gas, I’m going down
floatin’ in the water with my head face down, about to drown, not fucking around
I’d give it all up to have my feet settled on solid ground
but when my fun ended and the lights went out, I was still only empty and alone
a girl in a woman’s body, maturing but still not quite grown
it’s the same old story, no matter how many worn out pages you find yourself flipping through
it all comes down to fucking the world and just believing in you,
as much as that’s my dream, that’s something I can’t do.