Reverse Psychology

I wonder if it's normal for me to feel this way. It's been months now, and sometimes I still have the most f*cked up dreams, I've read that they are called "user dreams" -- where I wake up after the dream feeling like I'm high, or like everything I just dreamt about was completely real... I wonder if it's normal for me to wanna smash faces sometimes. Like out of nowhere. I just wanna punch shit and kick shit and break things and e x p l o d e. Then other times, I wanna cry cry cry cry. And I don't have anyone to talk to about it. No one knows what goes on inside my head. No, I'm not fucked up. I'm just a recovering drug addict... and to be honest, this shit is a hundred times harder than I thought it would be... my body still hates sleep, I fight it as long as I can, I'm so used to being up all night. I still don't eat much, even though I'm kinda hungry. It's just..fucking habits. Stupid fucking habits that I'm scared are going to be with me the rest of my life. Habits I'm scared people will catch on to and think I'm doing the same old shit. Cuz I'm fucking not, I will never again... well.... I won't again.. never say never...but I don't like breaking promises to myself... I'm just scared this is going to be my life forever. Being a drug addict was easier than this. What the fuck do I mean by that? I don't mean that I'm gonna go back to it. I mean that this life, is just harder to live. I look forward to seeing how my life turns out.

But I am terrified.