Higher Power

I wrote about you a lot in my songs
over all this time we have known eachother
you were easier to write about than any other
more than any other person that's ever entered my world
and girl, the sands are sifting, we are drifting, our rights are still so wrong
and maybe this subject is getting to be old news now
yet still I choose, to sit back and count the memories
that float through my head like Christian heresies
do you think of me? do you remember me well?
or am I just another empty shell on the beach?
ten thousand pennies I've tossed, down this wishing well
wishing you well, and you brought me to hell
I had no armour, I had no protection
you coasted by on last night's intentions
like you were a veteran, but not cold and hard
inside you were scarred, torn and broken like me
and maybe we were the only two who could see
the light within eachother, that even our mother's
became blind and numb to acknowledge
we awoken parts of each other that can almost be compared to
black and white people marrying all those years ago
I didn't know I would grow to hate myself so much
counting my tears like experience, you are full of fearlessness
you left me like a burning cigarette, deep inside the harshest wound
I won't heal soon, I can't heal soon
that's all I'm hearing in my fucking head, all I can remember is the bullshit you fed
me girl, you never should have asked me what it's like to be me
I never should have shown you, so you wouldn't have grown to hate me
I showed you the depths of my soul and you remained cold
malicious to the most trivial of actions, a tenth of a fraction
of warmth inside the glass castle walls
and we crumble like dolls, we fracture like bones
because this house never had the strength to become a home
I am alone, I won't heal soon, I can't heal soon
the record spins it's lonely track inside my skull
until I'm pacing back and forth inside these small walls
I'll never have all the answers, I will never be able to understand why
you could just pick up and leave all of me behind
tear me into shreds, light a fire with the strips
dip it in kerosene, and shove it in my ribs
I write about you a lot in my songs
just to constantly remind myself it's time to move along
did you deserve my verses? was it ever perfect?
or were we plagued by empty curses?
pain made me what I am, a warrior song pounding inside my chest
right underneath the breast, if the Creator is giving me this test
well I'm crazy and I'm lost and I'm hateful
left home without a roadmap, can't find my way back
Thought it was all good, judging by our photographs
until I tilted them in the sun to expose the cracks
Eventually, the day will be seen
where I'm free
I write about you a lot in my songs
to constantly remind myself I need to move along