A Day in the Life..

I really wish I could explain my head. I wish that when everytime someone asks me "what's wrong?", I'd be able to give them a fucking straight answer. An answer that I know to be 100% true.
But truth is. I don't ever know how I'm truly feeling. I don't even know myself well enough to tell my emotions from a hole in the ground. If I could just snap my fingers and this all be normal,this all be okay again...oh I'd give anything. I'm sorry I hurt you so much when we were together. I'm sorry I broke your heart countless times and drove yu to hate yourself like I really hate myself. I didn't want to drag you into my oblivion. Yet it's like anyone who I've ever been with, it just all happens the same....these innocent people get dragged into my whirlwind of a life and thrown upside down tossed around in a tornado just like I do every day. I'm sick of people saying that I don't do anything....I fight for my mental health on a daily fucking basis. I wish I was lying but I'm not. Somedays I just really feel like giving up, and I have nothing to keep me from that anymore. You were that to me. You were my reason. I wonder if someday I'll have the answers I yearn for...