I need to stop being naive when it comes to "hiding" my struggles. It's so blatantly obvious when I'm not doing well, yet still I hide behind the mask and shrug it off , it's definitely noticed...Part of me is just afraid to talk about it, to really just lay it all out in the open, pick apart my brain, saying - "THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM, AND THIS IS WHAT MY SOUL CONSISTS OF", and then put it all fucking back together. I think the only way to ever fix any of this, is to seriously tear it all apart and start from scratch. You can't run from things for years nd years, place to place, and expect them to just magically disappear...these things need to be dealt with....as terrified as I am of admitting things to myself, it is beyond time to move on...I'm so tired of carrying baggage. This blog helps, but ...I'm ready for another source of help. I give in.
I'm mad at myself for so much shit. Things I shouldn't even be ... I wrote a list the other day of all the things I have in my life to be grateful for. I had everything from "clean air/water" to "being good at CoD". I re-read it after almost an hour of writing and I was just smiling to myself...seriously...It is time to open these beautiful blue eyes, and be the god damn person I am destined to be. I just have to..
No comments:
Post a Comment