Tests

In a way, my ski doo accident did change me. I guess it would be weird to say I learned to not really care as much, but it's true. I stopped being so scared to die, I've accepted things as they are and I understand that everything happens for a reason.
I went off that snow cliff, pushed the child off that was on the back with me, and tried to bail myself. My foot got stuck on the side of the ski doo, and it drug me down with it.. all I remember is bashing my face on the side of the cliff as I was being drug down, then it was black. I opened my eyes and I was stuck under the front of the ski doo, the left ski was on my left leg, and the right ski was about two inches from my  shoulder, meaning the tread of the machine was not very far from my head..I was terrified, and I saw white and red, I was in immense pain. I was stuck under there for four minutes until two men heard our screams and came to lift the machine off me and rush me to the health center.

The boy is okay, he was scared but he only got a bruise under his eye. I bruised my bowels and my ribs and tore neck muscles on both sides, I broke my nose, big laceration on the side of my nose, laceration under my eye, lost eyelashes, cut up the inside of my lips, bruised up my entire leg, and bruised up my shoulder. The whole right half of my face was two times the size of the other side. It was traumatizing.

It was an accident. I wasn't going fast, I got snow blinded and didn't see the cliff and next thing I know it hits me that I could have killed us.

Anything really can happen at anytime. I'm lucky to have only gotten the injuries that I did. I could have died, the boy could have died. I think I did the right thing pushing him off... why am I still having nightmares about this?

The whole town knew like the minute it happened (small town glory), and everytime I go out now people are asking me how I'm doing. I came here to escape the small town drama, and I found some more. I am grateful that people care -- but it's not just that. They know about anything anyone does...everyone knows. I just want to live my own life again.

Soon enough. xo