Changes

So, I'm heading home back to BC in three weeks. It's weird to think about it but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, I do feel prepared. I have spent enough time with myself and on this land that I feel as if I will never become the person I once was again. I am going to miss it here so, so incredibly much. The serenity of the land, the peacefulness, the stillness, the overall amazing feeling I have about..everything. I'm going to miss the lifelong friends I made, the elders that have had an impact on my soul, the people I have worked with, and the children. I am going to miss the kids with every ounce of my heart. I'm worried for them, they go through so many changes and have to get used to things all over again each year...this time I think they are going to forever remember us though. Us and the good work we have done with them. They all taught me things in their own ways and I am grateful for that. I'm grateful for everything since being here! I'm always going to be a recovering addict, and that is the hard truth. I'm always going to be in recovery. Now I am thankful for that though, because being in recovery is better than being in turmoil. I'm excited about my future and the great things that are ahead of me. Going back to the place where it all started is going to be a huge test, but I am gifted with the answers. I know how to say no, I know how to survive and keep myself safe. I know how to keep loving and keep being strong. I'm excited to see my true friends again, and my family. I'm excited to have a life that is not centered around partying and drugs -- I'm excited to have money for the first time in years, that I worked my ass off to save. I'm excited to keep doing my university and being involved in the lives of my nieces and nephews when I wasn't really able to before. I'm excited to show everyone that I am a better daughter, friend, grand daughter, niece, auntie, sister. I'm excited to show everyone that I am a better me.

I'm also afraid that anything is possible. I have learned to expect the unexpected since being here.. is that reason enough to be scared? What is there to be scared of? I haven't slept much because all these plans I have are keeping me awake. Will everything I want to happen, turn out in the end?

I guess my story is just a continuing one that I will not know the answers to until the time comes. Whatever the Creator has in store for me, I am ready. I am prepared.