Words cut like razors,

You know, I used to be living for all the wrong reasons... I really, truly did. I thought life was about partying, because I thought that was the only way to have fun. I thought the only way I would make friends is to follow along and do drugs, smoke the chronic, pop pills, fuck around, drink until we puked. I remember, but barely, so many nights I was out until ridiculous hours of the night and came home completely just...gone out of my head, and I'd fight with my family, and I always thought I was right. And then there's times I remember, when I ditched my (ex)girlfriend(s), my true best friends, the people who actually loved me..my family... just to escape and party and sink further into the sand with my addiction. I had everything I ever wanted. I had love. I had a family. And I gave it up, for an addiction that consumed me, and tore all of that away, an addiction that ruined me entirely; broke my soul, made me a completely ugly person inside and out...

I am so fucking thankful, SO FUCKING THANKFUL, to be sober.. I'm not ashamed of who I am anymore. And I'm not gonna sit here and spew some bullshit story about a higher power and how I prayed and my life turned around like a miracle. Because truth is, it has been one hell of a tough struggle get my life back together..I have had to work so hard to gain back the trust of my family, and it took me moving 3500 miles away from home and countless hours of crying and sleeping and writing and talking and breaking down for me to become who I am now. I hated being here at first. I wanted to just leave. But now, I'm embracing my opportunities. Everyone knows me, the elders smile at me when they see me, I have friends, and I'm happy. I have a couple jobs that I love. I'm writing all the time, cause it helps ease the pain, and I'm hoping to get some of my work published. I'm finally in University, which feels amazing - because I know my brother would be so damn proud of me.. I'm living my dream, baby steps at a time..

and you know, ultimately, I'm not doing this for anyone else.. I'm not doing this so my old friends will like me again. I'm not doing this to rub it in the faces of my ex's. I'm not doing this to completely just make my family happy. I'm doing this for me - as selfish as that sounds, this is all for me.. and my future, BUT - because of the things I am doing, I CAN be a better daughter, a better friend, a better sister, a better girlfriend, a better everything.. a better person. And I just want to thank everyone in my life who never gave up on me. Because now I finally see the light in me, that you guys never stopped seeing.

Quana, babes.
xox