I guess the thing that bothers me most is how many people I hurt with my actions and words in the past few years. I wasn't just destroying myself, I took innocent people down with me. Some have had strong even hearts to forgive me.. but then again, some gave me too many chances and the hope just wore thin and they gave up. I don't blame them. I gave up on myself, too.
Maybe it's selfish of me for thinking that everyone should just automatically forgive me now that I'm clean and sober. But then again, it IS selfish, what I'm doing , in a way.. I AM doing this for me.. and I shouldn't want people to just forgive me, I have nothing to prove to anyone except myself...
All that being said, I know you will never read this, but I wanna say I'm really sorry, girl. Really fuckin sorry for the years of shit I put you through...the fighting and arguing and me stressing you out and being a really bad friend, always putting you on the back burner and drugs in front of me..I know you gave me so many chances. I know I don't deserve anymore. But I can't just not think about you ever again; shit's impossible.. so I'm just hoping that somehow, someday, no matter where either of us are..my words find their way back to you, and you can see I really have changed. I wouldn't be doing what I am now if I didn't have a new outlook on my entire life. I wish I could share that with you again.
Well, sigh. Things don't always go as planned. But the most important thing to do, is keep your pretty head up. Smile. Tomorrow, is a whole brand new day.
xox
Shaymarie
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