The Cure

The search for the cure to all things that blind my soul
has only made me find myself in dark places filled with cold spells/
hopping from place to place like unlimited time can just erase/
every memory I have and the love that can’t be replaced
these doctors think they have me figured out/
they don’t believe a thing that comes out of my mouth
so they gave me these pills right, 150mg a day/
like it’s supposed to make it all go away
and it’s not like I’m gonna take em, these pills aren’t the cure,
they’ll just dampen my creativity
and I still have too much to show the world/to be someone other than me
I must admit, when I found crack, I thought that was my golden ticket
I lied, stole, faked, turned into a fiend for that shit
and not many people can say, they had the ability to just walk away
but I guess I was graced with a strength I still don’t know how to fully use/
in my system, forever remains the ability to just abuse/
the things that tore me apart, still have a clutch on my heart/
can’t even watch TV shows that have people getting high
‘cause in my mind I’m wishing I was right there by their side
maybe that’s normal, maybe I’m not as healed as I’d like to believe
but I still love hearing all these people tell me I’m on my way to succeeding
yeah, it feels good, you know, hearing from people that I’ve made it
but the struggle is still deep and I’m still afraid of it
there comes a time when you just have to choose between wrong and right
there comes a time when your heart realizes it no longer needs to fight
I put up walls for way too long, I hid within myself for too many years
now I’m finally opening up, and embracing all my fears
if I have really learned anything at all on my continuous journey
it’s to enjoy the ride and not be in such a hurry, ignore the fury
and just live for the beauty of the world, not for the things that hurt me
those dirty people never cared, the drugs never did me any good
now that my body is clean and well, I’m doing the things I believe I should
I’m doing things with my life that some people didn’t think I ever could
I guess my main motivation is the loss of my brother
his death brought years of pain, but remembering gave me strength to recover
I used to think I wasn’t worthy enough of being loved,
everytime I got close to someone, I felt used and there was trouble
but for the first time in my life, I really am starting to love myself
and that will bring me the greatest joys, which are still yet to come,
I no longer panic when the devil beats the drum, for I am strong
and the power of my soul is a gift I have had all along.