Better This Way

I never meant to become this empty, I swear
but the drugs make it so easy to lose control and become unaware
the heaviest weight is always upon my frail shoulders
every year passes so quick and im only getting older
she tells me im nothing but a manipulative liar
come on baby, you know ill say anything to get a little higher
and I cant say this hurt is gonna be with me forever
but it sure as hell will until I learn to forget her
he told me all im doing is running away like always
but I tried to reassure him its better this way and I just cant stay
my heartstrings pull every time she opens up and smiles
‘cuz I stop in my tracks and believe she’s making addiction worthwhile
and maybe this co-dependency issue I have is a little out of touch
and ill tell ya, what they say is “too much” is still never enough
all she ever needed was a true best friend, and I swore I’d stick with her to the bitter end
she goes down the hole, I throw away my life right beside her
she sinks deeper into the smoke, I clutch as my eyes get wider
yet she’s always looking over her shoulder like imma break her trust
although the hope she has in me has never even been that much
hope is a beautiful world, but so is trust
each can be destroyed by a traitor called lust
I feel like im dreaming, im too gone to even touch
cuz my dreams go up in smoke and im consumed by the rush
I never felt like I was asking for too much,
I just wanted life to maybe fucking slow down
cuz I didn’t understand how the globe kept spinning when my brother died
all this loss taught me was to hide and get better at lying
and they all tell me im a fool for even trying to fucking save her
but this cycle is better than me being alone in the blur
here I go, trying to justify her dirty actions again
I cant say I know any different than to just pretend
don’t worry – let it go, forget I said a word at all
im used to being alone and watching the raindrops fall.