L.I.F.E - Take Two.

Over these past few years of my life,
in my head it seemed no matter what I did, not a damn thing ever seemed right
I was full of rage and venom came through my mouth with words that never rang true
"a girl with too much weight on her shoulders, a clouded mind, trusts very few"
I caused destruction, I caused pain to those who love me - I lost it all, forgot how to gain
I never understood how I held so much resentment in my heart
why does life seem so horrible, why do I always let myself fall apart?
and you know, it's never easy - everyday it got harder to wake up
because I gave up the knowledge I got from books and based my fate on luck
grew up too quick, too soon - never waited around for the flowers to bloom
instead I got my fix, went away to hide, and I spent time alone under the moon
and that, as much as I am ashamed to admit, was my life for the past four years
I hated everything about myself, hated the world, I couldn't stand to look in mirrors
I became amazingly good at being deceitful , & at lying to get what I wanted,
even though every night, alone or not, all my self inflicted chaos haunted me
I lost myself somewhere in between who I really am, and who I thought I wanted to be.
all of these stories begin the same, but I made the choice to rewrite my middle & ending
because I got so sick of trying to live a life that wasn't for me, I became tired of pretending
and giving up the life, routines & patterns, I once knew was so hard and daily, I'm still working on it
but I am SO FAR from where I once was - I am so far from who I once was
I am gaining respect for myself, I am re-learning how to trust.
'cause I gave in, accepted help, grew up, realized I needed to learn to love again.
life is too short to be set only to self destruct, the sky is too beautiful to spend the days inside
and I am very sorry for the pain I caused, I am very sorry for every lie I have lied
I can only hope they forgive me - I know forgiveness comes from the deepest depths inside
It has been a long time since I have been able to say I am truly content and happy
and even though my past hurts to remember, I regret not one thing
because every mistake I've made, made me, ME - it's all about learning.
Forgiving myself & moving on, admitting I was wrong, was the hardest thing I have ever done
but the best choice I ever made was to close the dark chapter, pack my things, and run.

Disclaimer: All writings, pictures and posts in this blog are property of ShayMarie, and are not to be used for any personal or public gain outside of this blog. Copyright 2012 by ShayMarie.